When we experience heart ache and cannot make sense of life, we often do one of 3 things. We run from it, deny it a refuse to face truth, or tremble on awe of God and trust him. Since my article was so long, I decide to post it in three separate blogs so stay tuned for the rest of it if you care to.

Part 2 To Face the Truth
The figure paused and looked up to the sky. His hands outstretched, his mouth moving but no words escape. With his hand he wiped away the trickle of tears. “Oh Israel,” the figure moaned and wiped his hand across his face again. He moved forward and in the pale morning light the camp before him was already bustling. Life was moving on again after the long grief filled night.
“Blessed be thou of the Lord Samuel”, the tall handsome king greeted him jovially. “I have done as the Lord has commanded me.” He bowed slightly a chuckled light heartedly. The battle the day before had been quite a success.
“Saul”, Samuels eyes narrowed, and his face hardened. “What do you mean? What is all this sheep I hear bleating and oxen lowing?”
“Ahh,” Saul chuckled jovially again and motioned broadly, “They have brought them from the Amalekites. The people spared the best of the sheep and of the oxen, to sacrifice unto the LORD thy God; and the rest we have utterly destroyed.”
Samuel leaned forward. “Wait!” he said gesturing towards Saul, “listen till I tell you what the Lord has told me last night.”
Saul straightened, face sobered and he folded his arms. “Say,” on he said evenly.
“When you were actually humble Saul and thought very little of yourself,” the prophet motioned toward him. “Isn’t that when God anointed you king over Israel? And listen God sent you on a journey to utterly destroy those Amalekites, everything, every last thing. So why did you not obey God, but you hauled back this spoil. You did evil Saul in the sight of God. Why?”
“Yes, I obeyed God,” the smooth talker responded quickly nearly cutting Samuel off, “I did. I brought Agag back and I utterly destroyed the Amalekites. Okay, But the people took of the spoil, sheep and oxen, the chief of the things which should have been utterly destroyed, but hey they wanted to sacrifice unto the LORD thy God in Gilgal.”
“Is sacrifice better than obedience?” Samuel paused and searched the stoic kings face, “Listen Saul,” the prophets voice lowered but almost held a menace, “obedience is better than sacrifice and your rebellion is as wicked as witchcraft or idol worship. Saul, because you have denied God, he has rejected you from being king.
The sun was now peaking over the horizon and the hustle and bustle of the camp went on in blur but time had stopped in the mind of the proud, jealous, people pleasing king. Then his voice in desperation to redeem the realties that were washing over him, “I have sinned, because I disobeyed God commands and I disregarded your orders, Samuel. But the people, well to be completely honest I feared them and let them change my mind, so I get it, I was wrong. Please could you forgive me, and we could go on together and worship the Lord?”
“Saul,” the prophet said firmly his once weeping face, set. “I can’t. You have rejected God and God has rejected you from being king.”
Then the prophet turned on his heel his shoulders squared and began to walk away. Walking away from a king who was finally reckoning with his denial.
Though this is some of 1 Samuel 15 using my imagination, I too often am like Saul. I deceive myself. I convince myself that what is inevitable can somehow be illuded. In the face of heart ache or wrong I am scared to face the truth. Sometimes I fear the responsibility it brings, sometimes I hate the self-denial it brings. Sometime I opt the misery of lies feels than the discomfort of facing the truth. Here are some steps I found to find a way forward
1. Bring it to God

Pray. Ask Gods spirit to reveal the truth. Psalms 139: 23-24 says Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties. And see if there is any wicked way in me And lead me in the way everlasting. I promise you He will.
2. Face your fears

Even though this be the scariest step and may push you out of your comfort zone, call you to action, or order you to release what was never yours to carry, embrace it. Its your only way forward. Ever. It was David’s in the face of Goliath. It was Esther’s in the face of Haman. It was Jochebed in the face of Pharaoh.
3. Immerse yourself in His word

At the end of the day there only one to combat lies, with Truth itself. I do not know what works for you but find something, because your life depends on it. Memorize scripture that directly combats the lies your struggling with. Keep the verses where you see them often. Set reminders on your phone. Be accountable to a friend. Immerse yourself, because Satan is willing to do anything to deceive you, you need to do everything to combat it. Yep, it’s a warfare friend. Eph 6:13-17 points out the importance of being prepared. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace. Above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

What has worked for you and what are your thoughts on this? How have you found your way forward? Comment or shoot me an email at martinjulie1198@gmail.com

Peace be the journey,
Julie