It was my sisters birthday and so as I passed the fresh flower bouquets in the store I stopped to see if any would just catch my eye. After pulling and poking at couple none seemed to be shouting my name. But as I turned to leave, I saw it. A large bouquet of red and pink roses, babies breath and lilies, kind of tucked in the back on the bottom. I picked it up and looked it over, and I know this sounds kind of strange but they almost took my breath away. There they where as beautiful as ever. Perfectly gorgeous and a faint mist swept into my eyes. I wont actually admit it was tears but it was their cousins. I wanted to hug that bouquet right then and there in the middle of the store but for the sake of the other customers I refrained. (Yeah I know its weird because who nearly hugs flower bouquets and almost cries over them in the middle of the store but that is me. I have a serious relationship with flowers. I love them.) I made the purchase and presented them to my sister.

Beautiful. Delicate. Open. Those flowers where there just being. Their faces turned upward. Soaking in the light around them. I put in another bite of cereal. But my mind is fixed on a thought. It wasn’t the first time this thought had stumbled through my mind but this time it jolted me. Not only did it jolt me but this time it demanded an answer. How will you remain beautiful in the face of ugly evil and how will you not become hardened in the wake of excruciating pain? How when day after day you face a broken world that you wont forget how to be whole?

I almost glare at the bouquet as if they had a right to question me. But then I saw they had their rights. They where doing exactly that. In the busy hustle of the morning when 6 year old was fussing over ketchup on eggs. And 8 year old muttering about chores before school and 2 year old helping himself to whatever his soul desired. Mom telling Dad goodbye. Clatter an chatter. But there those flowers where in the hustle an bustle of the morning just being, beautiful.
Life it takes it swings, it punches madly around me, but I cower and crumble. I turn my face down. I shrivel up. I allow life to saddle me up and drive me around like a sway back mare.
It shoves its crushing agenda in my face and like a solemn school master waving his pointer stick at the uncompleted tasks. I wilt it my desk and turn beet red with shame. Shame of not measuring up. Shame that cripples.
But how do I live when so much around me speaks death? When it is easier to settle for destroyed because then I have nothing to lose. I cling to my baggage because in the wild torrents of wind because some how the weight of it feels safer. But then I moan that I cant fly.
Life knocks on my door and tells me it time to rise but I mutter its hump day and I pull up the covers of my soul till I nearly suffocate because that feels easier than braving the cold harsh reality with only delicate beauty. Its scary to be real. It feels dangerous to offer beauty. Because what if. What if. What if when I attempt to dance in the rain winter settles in an the puddles freeze over and I clatter to the ground a mocking spectacle.
But how? How?
It is the Lord’s Day. I hold out my hand. The crumbs of the communion bread falling into the creases of my palm. My eyes mist, and my heart burst. Joy chokes my throat. My soul worships. I lift the silver chalice to my lips. I swallow. And then it was suddenly very clear. This is how… The crusty layers of my soul break away. My heart dances. Ahh Redemption. My Redeemer and His Blood is bigger than the evil and fear that cripples. So much greater. My agenda school master loses power. My baggage isn’t worth keeping. And I look life full in the face with all it harsh reality with the beauty and power of my Redeemer. The wintery ice puddles don’t matter because my Redeemer offers skates. His power is greater. I can soar in His freedom. I bow my head in awed worship. How will I remain beautiful in the face of ugly evil and how will I not be hardened in the wake of excruciating pain? How when day after day I face this broken world will I remain whole?

The answer is there in black and white.
Romans 8:19-39 Amplified
[19]For [even the whole] creation (all nature) waits expectantly and longs earnestly for God’s sons to be made known [waits for the revealing, the disclosing of their sonship].
[20]For the creation (nature) was subjected to frailty (to futility, condemned to frustration), not because of some intentional fault on its part, but by the will of Him Who so subjected it–[yet] with the hope [Eccl. 1:2.]
[21]That nature (creation) itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and corruption [and gain an entrance] into the glorious freedom of God’s children.
[22]We know that the whole creation [of irrational creatures] has been moaning together in the pains of labor until now. [Jer. 12:4, 11.]
[23]And not only the creation, but we ourselves too, who have and enjoy the firstfruits of the [Holy] Spirit [a foretaste of the blissful things to come] groan inwardly as we wait for the redemption of our bodies [from sensuality and the grave, which will reveal] our adoption (our manifestation as God’s sons).
[24]For in [this] hope we were saved. But hope [the object of] which is seen is not hope. For how can one hope for what he already sees?
[25]But if we hope for what is still unseen by us, we wait for it with patience and composure.
[26]So too the [Holy] Spirit comes to our aid and bears us up in our weakness; for we do not know what prayer to offer nor how to offer it worthily as we ought, but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication and pleads in our behalf with unspeakable yearnings and groanings too deep for utterance.
[27]And He Who searches the hearts of men knows what is in the mind of the [Holy] Spirit [what His intent is], because the Spirit intercedes and pleads [before God] in behalf of the saints according to and in harmony with God’s will. [Ps. 139:1, 2.]
[28]We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.
[29]For those whom He foreknew [of whom He was aware and loved beforehand], He also destined from the beginning [foreordaining them] to be molded into the image of His Son [and share inwardly His likeness], that He might become the firstborn among many brethren.
[30]And those whom He thus foreordained, He also called; and those whom He called, He also justified (acquitted, made righteous, putting them into right standing with Himself). And those whom He justified, He also glorified [raising them to a heavenly dignity and condition or state of being].
[31]What then shall we say to [all] this? If God is for us, who [can be] against us? [Who can be our foe, if God is on our side?] [Ps. 118:6.]
[32]He who did not withhold or spare [even] His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all [other] things?
[33]Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect [when it is] God Who justifies [that is, Who puts us in right relation to Himself? Who shall come forward and accuse or impeach those whom God has chosen? Will God, Who acquits us?]
[34]Who is there to condemn [us]? Will Christ Jesus (the Messiah), Who died, or rather Who was raised from the dead, Who is at the right hand of God actually pleading as He intercedes for us?
[35]Who shall ever separate us from Christ’s love? Shall suffering and affliction and tribulation? Or calamity and distress? Or persecution or hunger or destitution or peril or sword?
[36]Even as it is written, For Thy sake we are put to death all the day long; we are regarded and counted as sheep for the slaughter. [Ps. 44:22.]
[37]Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us.
[38]For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers,
[39]Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The clarity of it all slowly sank in to my thick skull. More than conquerors. Gods power was so much greater, He is safe. He is my protector. He is my healer. I can stand whole in a broken world. I can care in the wake of excruciating pain and remain beautiful in the face of ugly. Through my precious redeemer. I bow in worship.
I stop by the kitchen for a drink, but mostly just to look at the bouquet just there being.
Never let me lose sight of Your beautiful Redemption. It’s my only answer. It’s the worlds only answer. Ever.
In awe of my Redeemer
Julie